Surviving life

Silence, not a sound,pitch black, cold as ice. I'm shaking standing waist deep in the freezing lake wearing nothing but long shorts and a bra. Hands tied behind my back so tight it's hurting my shoulders and my wrists are burning. I'm unable to move because of the fear running through my body, the fear that if I take but a single step I will fall back into the water and be unable to move my legs unable to surface. Fear that I will die in the one place where i feel the most at home, die in the one place that for years washed away all my fears and left me with nothing but a clean sense of power. now the one place where all my fears come crashing down around me. i know that i can win this i can survive it, but there's that little prick in the back of my head saying "what if". The knife is in my pocket i can feel it against my thigh...i take one last breath and dive....